I agree with Kaizen here. Lex, you seem to think that going dark is a game that will get her to pursue you. While that may be a natural consequence, it is not the reason. The reason to go dark is so you can work on yourself--the DB principles of GAL, 180, and if done effectively, then may lead to detachment. This all takes time. You have to put in the hard work to see results.
I can't help but notice how defense you get. Why? Do you feel attacked or are you trying to convince us (yourself) that you don't need to make changes? You don't have to come here and convince us how great you are. We believe you! But something went wrong in this M, and you owe it to yourself to look at that. She has her own--very bazaar coping mechs, and you do too.
We are focusing a lot on your wife's obsessions with celeb, but I am now more curious what you can do to improve you. Not for her, but for you. We ALL have things that we can do do be happier, more confident, change about ourselves, or whatever it may be. Dig deep!
And in terms of your constant spying on her and her having no idea, I just find this unnecessary at this point. This isn't healthy in any R!
Blu
I don't want to play games but I began to feel like I was after following the DB coach advice. I was still following the advice anyway.
I am also keenly aware that my wife needs something that she is not getting. I very much want to learn how to give it to her.
I don't mean to come off defensive. I really appreciate all the advice and I am trying to follow it. I had already been working on myself for months before I posted here and I am working on myself still. I've managed to stop all pursuit and just live life. that is a positive change that I feel pretty good about. Currently I am focused on detaching and taking care not to exert any control on my W at all. Getting better at this.
