I recently finished reading Living With the Passive Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler, and boy, oh boy, did that book hit the mark for me. As I began to read it, I realized this is exactly the dynamic that is/has played out between H and I. Based on the book, the unfortunate aspect of being a passive aggressive man is that there is little I can do to change the dynamic (the book suggests confrontation when it occurs, but with MLC, I am not sure that would be helpful). The WORK has to be done by the person harboring the passive aggressive tendencies, which consists of learning to express the unspoken anger motivating the passive aggression. Ha, that isn't happening. The book has stated that oftentimes, the person doesn't think he/she is doing anything at all. This fits my husband to a T.
The fact that he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior is discouraging. I am afraid I will just have to let these instances go b/c when I bring them up (and perhaps I am inartful in the way in which I bring them up), seems to only stir up more anger and divisiveness. My work comes in the form of learning how to effectively deal with this issue. I must think of constructive ways of handling the conflict.
While I don't feel any resolution because H still seems to be engaging in the same ol' dysfunctional way of relating, at the very least I know what it is. Perhaps, more importantly, I have something concretely identifiable that I want addressed should we continue to stay married. The whole PA dynamic is crazy making (as the book describes). I feel a little more free because I understand something I didn't before. I feel like I have a target and I know where I can aim.
PS - H attending another training out of town this week. Probably skirting around. Oh well, at least I have a break from him.
