I have been reflecting heavily on this very thing for months. I am a pretty good listener and I have always listened when my wife did want to tell me issues. I can remember several times over the years where I didn't understand her at first but we attempted 2nd or 3rd times and eventually did reach a resolution that we were both happy with.
She still says I am the "goblin king" though so I think it's linked to my persuasiveness/talkative nature when there is a problem. I definitely have tried to "fix" her problems in the past. And she does not like this. But it's been easily over 6 months now and I switched to validation of feelings and no more talk. I don't try to alter her emotional state in any way. I leave it up to her and just offer my support. am I perfect at this? probably not, but I have behaved in a way that I am proud of. I keep trying to be better. so some of this has to fall on her. she has to have enough moxie to get ahold of her own internal state I think.
