Long time lurker

[Gordie]

I'm making some assumptions based upon what you have said:

You still love your H and he still loves you but you have issues (the arguing one seems to be the biggest) that keeps you apart.

Your H has one foot out the door (separated and seeing OW) and one foot in the door (daily communication with you, financial and other help).

You still want to save your M, otherwise you wouldn't be posting on this site.

You can't change your H; you can only change you.

So what do you want to change about you? What do you dislike about Hazy that prevents you from being the best Hazy that you can be? Your H said he loves you but can't stand the arguments. Is there any validity in that? It sounds like you can't stand the arguments either because it is holding you back from your goal (saving your M), so how can you change that dynamic in yourself, without your H's participation? Does he feel like you don't listen to him? Does he feel like you don't value his opinion/input? Does he feel like you have to be right all the time/win every argument? Do you raise your voice/yell and scream/call him names?