Never good enough

[010207]

We were together so young that while he had other girlfriends, none would have left that kind of impression.

He was very close to his mother but now can't stand her. His childhood was good in the sense that his parents were there and treated him well. But his mother had an abusive childhood and her coping mechanism was to clean. To this day at any given time you could eat off her floor. Her home is more museum than livable. Footprint impression on her rug would throw her into a tizzy. There was no family or children time, it was all about her. She was always well dressed (think high fashion) and put together. During their almost 40 year marriage, her H never saw her without makeup even when they went to bed.

I think H has always had a hard time separating the fact that his parents had money and we don't. It's a hard adjustment. So he lays the blame at my feet.

Depending on the day, he wants a woman who is a fitness model (not me), or a tatted up girl with piercings and dyed hair (also not me). Sometimes he wants the girl next door - me.

My background is different. I didn't come from money and have no expectations. I make due with what I have. My family is very kid oriented and so my focus is on them. its very hard to be around his family, they would completely forget the children entirely if I wasn't there.

His complaints to me since this started is that he feels trapped.

We got together too young and he wouldn't make the same choices now.

I work from home, which he hates.

I don't make enough money and he's tired of carrying the load. We could have had so much more if I would have done better.

While my house is picked ip and "clean", I have 3 kids and 2 dogs so it's definitely not his mother's house. Which is also an issue I think.

He hasn't yet made any comments about my appearance, but I already know that's an underlying issue.

I can only fix so much.

I'd like to go to the range too, but I've never gone by myself and quite honestly, I'm afraid to. He knows more than I and if I have a problem, he always fixed it.