Never good enough

[010207]

This morning he's bouncing around the house singing. Made me want to punch him in the face. Obviously can't do that, but the fantasy was good for a second.

Gump, thank you. All ideas are welcome. I'm doing my best with detaching. I'm just feeling like maybe that's half my problem. Maybe he's looking for me to show that I want him here. That he's needed. I don't know.

As for being a woman only a fool would leave, my post title says it all. I have never been good enough. I still have emails from him apologizing for this. He knows no matter what I do, he wants the opposite or just simply more. I have to say, I am not perfect but I am a good person, a good mother and I was a damn good wife!

This money issue is becoming a boundary. If he pays the bills then ok. But if he doesn't or accumulates more debt, I'm done. My house was almost foreclosed twice before because of his spending during manic periods. I'm too damn old to keep going through that crap.

Morning Jeep. He was texting some guy. He's mentioned him recently but I don't know him so he must be a new friend. Probably another gym rat. Probably single. New friend wants to buy a pistol this week and go to the range with H. This had been our activity and now I'm being left in the dust.