Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[bigybiz]

Gordie:

Thanks for your post.

To keep it simple I would say her unmet needs are - coming from the hard heart of a WAW/WW are:

Intimacy, Safety, Security, Support

Early on after the BD the coach said to me that W is getting her strength from playing the blame game. That was an ongoing theme through every R talk we had. Everything is my fault.

Even during the early days of separation her decision to move out was totally a result of me. So she portrays herself as the victim and the martyr. She moved out so the kids could stay in the house..., she has to live in a crummy basement apt because she has to support our household, etc. She has chosen not to move ahead with divorce, asset division, etc

It sounded easy when the coach said don't let her get stuck. They suggested statements like "I mean you no harm"

I'm not sure how to bring it all together.