Needing some Guidance

[KCRoo]

So after she told me that she stopped talking to the om, she admitted that she texted him a weather screenshot on that Thursday. I got angry, and said that would have been the perfect thing to not respond to, and he would get the point. I stuck it out because her family had playoff tickets and I wanted to go to the divisional playoff game.

She went out that Saturday night. The next day we went to the game, and everything seemed to be going good. We were standing in line for the porta potty, when he texted her. I called her out, big fight ensued. I wanted to Uber home from the game, she begged me to stay. She went out when we got home. She came home and told me that she was going to stop drinking.

So the next week things went good (I thought), when i picked up on her being shady. So last Friday I got into her phone. I know huge violation, but i was tired of all the lying. She had been texting him all along, as i suspected. Here is essentially what the relevant texts said"

OM: Off like a prom dress
WW: oh dont do that to me
OM: what are you talking about
WW: you are the one that said I am being inappropriate
OM: when did I say that
ww: omg, lol...OM, you know i have been hinting at taking you to the bedroom and you said you won't do that.

When i saw this i blew my stack. I woke her up and told her she had to pick right now, me or him (I know ultimatums don't work, but in the heat of the moment...I am a weak man)

She started crying and said of course I pick you. I said that it needs to end today. She said she would text him, and screen shot it to me. She asked how i got into her phone, i lied and said i pushed her thumb against the button because if she knew that i had her password she would change it.

WW said: I am working it out with my husband, i can't talk to you anymore.

I felt really uncomfortable about a screenshot and told her such. I asked how do i know that you didn't send that, then delete it, and start texting again. She said she wouldn't do that because he would think that she is crazy.

So we had family stuff, and i ignored everything. Our niece was in town for the first time in 10 years (she lives with her mom in another state). Sunday comes around, and i see her texting, and in her messages i see "N" which is what the om name starts with. So I ask her point blank, have you talked to the om since Friday. She says no, and that she is not doing this right now.

We go to her brother's house have fun. We go to sleep. Monday i wake up, and decide to get in her phone again for verification (you can say whatever you want on spying, but as long as she is lying, I am going to spy).

I see "N". Here is what it said:

WW: I am sorry some [censored] went down this am
om: its ok it is just life and we have to get through it
ww: I am so ready to start a new life

then they start texting sexual again. I keep my cool. I don't blow up. I go to work.

I tell my boss what is going on and ask if i can leave early to confront her. he says no problem.

I go home. She is not there. I know she is visiting her sick dad. I pack up some of her stuff. I wait. I went home about 10:30, it is now 12:30. I texted her that something is bothering me, and I want to talk when she gets home.

She races right home. She is like what is going on. I tell her that I saw her texting the om and she lied about it. She says no i didn't, we go through her whole phone. We look at ever contact and every text message.

I said ww i know you were texting him, and you did exactly what i said you were going to do. I told her about everything. She just sits there in shock. She said it needed to end and she ended it today. She tells me how she wants to get mad at me, but she understands what she has done is wrong. She is confused because she knows she can't be mad at me, but she is.

We talk a bit. She said it is depressing always talking about our problems. I tell her that she is never around to have any good times, because the only time she is here is when we have a fight.

She goes and talks to her mom for an hour, and then goes to her friend angela, who is doing the same thing to her husband. She texts me:
ww: hi
me: hello
ww:what are you doing
me: sitting in the house by myself
ww: is it nice
me: well it is hard to have fun together and to work on problems when one of us is not here
ww: you knew i was going to come over here...and lets be honest it was a hard day, and i think we need some time apart

I dont respond. She calls me because it was 2 minutes without responding.

it is a meaningless conversation where she tries to shift the blame to me.

I go to bed.

I wake up the next morning she is there. On Tuesdays I go see my mc, tell him everything. She wants to know everything we talked about. I texted her some of it. She calls me. I tell her that we probably shouldn't talk about it at work because she always gets angry. She says she wants to know. I tell her that he said that without all passwords to every account, i can't heal, or begin to trust. There is other stuff about how she puts everyone ahead of me. She says she agrees.

I get home from work, and she goes with Angela shopping for her husband's birthday. they get home at 9. We go to bed. Start talking. She keeps saying why do i have to bring up the past, and why can't i move on. I tell her it is because she has lied so much that i don't trust her.

I tell her that it is a roller coaster, and i have triggers. She says she can't handle the roller coaster. I tell her i can't handle that she went outside of our marriage.