My WW and the Great Sandi2 Experiment - part 2

[Chris73]

So, this is probably temporary but I'm actually starting to feel ok with the idea that I'm ready to move on.

I came home from work tonight, my parents were watching the kids. I took my D5 to gymnastics and sat with my S8 while he did his math homework. Then we went back home and did the whole bedtime ritual, which took a while bc they were wound up (which is always kinda fun). Then I made their lunches (and mine) for tomorrow.

Not a single word, email or txt was exchanged between me and my W and as of this writing (9:45), she's still not home (even though she was done work at 7:30). She didn't stop home to see the kids before they went to bed. She didn't even call to say goodnight. I'm sure she's out drinking or with OM2 (or both) and I'm kinda in a mood where I don't really care. Many of the fear-based thoughts that revolve around losing my wife have been replaced with things about her that I will be happy to leave behind.

I started thinking about how great it will be to get my own place. Maybe a townhouse where I don't have to do any yard work and that has a community pool. I would get a 2 bedroom and set one room up for the kids. Finally put in that fish tank that the W has been shooting down every year.

I dunno, I guess it's just how I'm feeling right now. I think it's a good sign. I still love my W very much, but every time I observe her behavior or we have another exchange it just reinforces the fact that we shouldn't be together right now. I have been fighting so hard to shield my kids from the trauma of divorce but could that really be worse than them having to live with 2 people who continue to grow further apart?

A few of the folks on this board asked me what I want. What are MY goals? At first I envisioned a life where my wife has moved out and I continue to live in my house with my kids. But I think part of that goal is fear based. That if I lose the day-to-day interaction with my kids they will forget about me or love me less. But I think I realize now that I have control over whether or not that happens regardless of whether I live with them or not. If I'm involved in their lives they won't feel any differently about me.

Of course, lets be clear. If this issue with the my W's drinking gets worse, I will have to reassess my plan. But right now, as I sit here and write this and my wife is STILL not home (it's 10:30) I feel like I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of letting go and moving on.