hello to everyone in the forums. im 40 and W is 27 . we had a sex deprived marriage due to many reasons most of it being me working long long hours. she finally called it quits 2 weeks ago. talking about all the negative things she could think of while we were married. how she felt lonely most of the time and she dont miss me anymore when i am gone, how i am snappy at her and short tempered. etc etc.
i totally wasnt expecting things to come to an actual divorce . to my defense i was working hard so we could buy a house and she knew this.
i am completely at loss. i talked to her many times to change her mind but she is set in stone.we are going to file for divorce this week and end it friendly.she is moving out.
my question is, i am ready to move on obviously and do the no contact thing. i do not think she would be coming back to me is what makes me sad.i feel like i had a good thing going but blew my chances by focusing too much on work not to my famuly.no kids by the way, we tried without success, during which her sister and cousin bot got kids and that also added to our pressure.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
thank you. she is moving out in a week. i told her to do seperation rather than divorce just in case she feels different down the road.maybe i should not have.but from this point on im going to be working on myself and focus on my own future. we'll see how everything proceeds
we/ve been together 8 years, 5 years married. according to her close to 2 years unhappy. she is a very attractive girl but we somehow we managed not to be compatible together in bed. i used to feel nothing physically down there . never had that type of issue before.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
i told her to do seperation rather than divorce just in case she feels different down the road.maybe i should not have.but from this point on im going to be working on myself and focus on my own future.
There is nothing wrong with telling her that. Now that you've planted that seed, don't mention it again. Whether it roots or not is up to her. Working on yourself and focusing on your future is all you can - and should be - doing right now. This is your time to become the absolute best you can. Focus on you. Focus on things you want to change within yourself to become the best. That it what's important.
It's also important to remember that changing things within yourself is only to be done for you and you only - not for the hopes of winning her back. Making changes to win someone back is doomed from the start and will only lead to much resentment...within you and also directed toward her.
Good luck, my friend.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
she found a place to rent and moving out at the end of this week when i told her to consider seperation she said she might consider it but dont wanna do counselling. in that case i dont see why not just divorce i suppose.
It is estimated that one of every three married couples struggles with problems associated with mismatched sexual desire. Has this always been an issue?
You mentioned that you have been working long, long hours. Does your wife work too?
Talking to her about changing her mind is only driving her further away.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
i am seeing a counsellor at the moment for help and coping.
although i dont think she will ever change her mind after a bitter experience for her i still hope one day she changes her mind. however i am not going to live expecting that.
