[Sotto]

Hello Bright, I'm sorry you have been feeling low and I do think that Roist posts wisely. There is no need to make any kind of decision about anything just now - unless you feel that would be what you want to do.

So, I agree that self care is called for - give yourself what you need to improve your mood and wellbeing. Plan some nice things with friends (who don't talk about H) and have a think about how you are spending your time and whether there are new things you want to consider to bring more joy, purpose and meaning to your life.

I wouldn't make your H central to any of this unless you feel you need some more closure - in which case that's up to you. Equally, if you choose to continue standing, focus on continuing to create the best life possible for yourself. Independent of whatever he may be doing.

I agree with Roist that conversations like these with friends certainly aren't helpful and it would be quite reasonable to tell your friends that you would prefer not to have them. Even if you say after the event - I hope it's okay, but when we meet I'd prefer not to discuss our marital situation...it doesn't really help me to do that - I know you'll understand. A good mutual friend recently said to me - 'He isn't the man I thought he was' - that kind of helped me - I don't know if she keeps in touch with XH or not...

Your H is central in your post above and perhaps he needs to go firmly on the back burner instead??

I do hope you'll be feeling better soon and please post if you feel we can help xxx