My first post: Hurting/scared

[Gordie]

***While my daughters at school I struggle, but as soon as she gets in the car my face lights up.***

Awesome ...be there for your kids, they need you more than ever!

***My S is having shoulder surgery tmrw morning to repair a broken collarbone and she's off traveling for work. She should be here for this, and I know that if she weren't in this fog, she would be. My kids know what's going on because they asked me. I told them the truth, that moms not herself right, that she's confused and needs time and space from me to figure things out.***

Wow, that is an awesome response. I will keep that in my back pocket for future use.

***Anyway, I asked her straightforwardly if there were someone else. This was her response verbatim.
"There is no one else, I know what I want one day but it's not now.***

What/who does she want one day? Does she have someone in mind?

***Right now it's about exploring things in my life I never had the chance to do.***

Like what? Sexually? Socially? Professionally? Spiritually? Sounds like MLC.

***I've always had limits in my life while working my soul out and never really asking for anything.***

What limits? Never really asking for anything, like what? Sounds like MLC.

***I lost my spirit with you because I waited so long for you to give me what was only just a thought in your head and to me "the thought that counts" just isn't enough anymore.***

What does this mean?

***I still have love for you and believe with all my heart that you are The Greatest Dad. That is the best thing I can give my children. Are things going to be different? Yes. Do you need to leave? No."***

So, she loves you but doesn't want you, but wants you to stay in the same house? In-house separation? In-house divorce? You previously said she doesn't want physical interaction--do you guys have sexual compatibility issues?

***I've told her in the past that I couldn't stay if there were someone else.***

You suspect there is someone else, but you are still there.

***It seems like I want an answer from her at the time but then when she gives me the answer I want I can't trust it. Geez.. but I guess I have to continue on like she's telling me the truth if I want to make this work out I n the end. I felt I needed to know the truth, as well, to know how to proceed in my db'ing.
Ias I've seen in the past she responds to me being cheery, letting her have space and being responsive when she wants to talk.
I think I'm going to take Sandi's advice for LBS's whose W's aren't having an A.***

What makes you not trust her? And if you don't trust her, why follow the advice for W's who aren't having an A?

***It seems she wants her independence more than anything else.***

Yes, you said before, freedom and independence...it's part of the script...why does your W feel trapped?

***In my head I've also stated to plan out how I could move back home and start a new life there. My kids both want to be with me if it comes down to that.***

Is it a possibility to live so far from your W?

***But for now I'm gonna continue working out, working, spending time with my kids, concentrating on me and letting her have her space.***

Sounds like a good plan...

***She bought some Hockey tickets for this Friday night for the whole family. Should I go? I think she really wants family time. I know she's feeling guilty she's not here for the surgery. My son is not happy with her right now and she knows it.
Thanks Jeep for your response.***

I agree with Jeep on this one...