What Lies Beneath

[Gordie]

***My ex has stated many times she wants to "be friends" through it all.***

In my situation, I don't have a problem with this theoretically, but from what you say, I could see it being problem for you (given the lies and lack of trust).

***I do think that she has used that in some form to guilt me to agreeing with her.***

If you feel she is manipulating you, then she is probably manipulating you.

***One of the more pressing issues - financials - caused her to say that if I were to take a certain route, it would lead to bad feelings. That certain route would be me getting part of her retirement, to which I'm entitled to.***

On this stuff, you have to follow your instincts (and your L's advice). I think there's a spectrum of responses, from being a doormat to being fair to being an a$$. As others have said, everyone loses.

***But it's not just about the retirement or money, every time something comes up that could disrupt her world, she goes back to that "friendly" escape, so to speak. I know she is playing on my emotions, but how does one deal with that? Sometimes I wonder if she is being genuine, or if she is just trying to say anything to get her way.***

Again, if you feel like you are being manipulated, then you are probably being manipulated. XW can stil play with your emotions!

***For instance, the most recent event was when one of her family members slandered me on a public forum. I told the ex that I didn't hold it against her, but at the same time it was unacceptable and that the next time it would be dealt with and left it at that.***

If it was one of her family member's over whom she has no control, why did you bring this up at all with her? What was the point? And what did you mean by it being dealt with?

***Her response was that she was done. I didn't ask her what it was and left it alone. I assume she was using the "threat" of her really being done in trying to get me to lighten up or whatever. I just didn't say anything else.***

I'm not sure what she was done means. She was done with the conversation? She is done with trying to be your friend? When I don't know what to say or feel like I'm about to say the wrong thing, I think of Caliguys' STFU smoothie and take a big gulp.