Cherry. Getting on with a few bumps

[Surfer]

Just re-read this. I have have turned dyslexic for the day! Typing on my phone - never good. Sorry.

[Gordie]

Your strength and resilience in inspiring. I am praying for you. Shocking that the WH has no recognition of your pregnancy or his new child.

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer, we had gotten to a stage he was somewhat better, it just appears to be a little regression. I guess we have gone/going through our own stages of grief when it hits us a little harder. But he knows he is loved, he has a lot of love and attention not just from me, but my family, MIL etc. He also has a steady routine, doesn't want for anything, and even through a somewhat difficult pregnancy (who still has all day sickness at 8.5 months!!), I've continued to take him places and had fun. Soon I will be starting my maternity leave- so will have uninterrupted time with S as well as new baby.

Gordie, thank you so much that's very kind of you and nice to hear. It is shocking, but waywards are that, doing as they feel and never ceasing to surprise you by their new shocking traits.

I've been quite productive of late, I'm still in the process of re-doing the house ( maybe this is the nesting). I read things that will boost my pma, and if I'm watching something, I'll watch something uplifting, travel documentaries or lighthearted comedy- nothing that has me dwelling; but rather something which shall focus me, and give me something exciting to look forward to in the future (new places to explore). I find that I become more down and depressed when I look to the future regarding my love life; so I try to stop these thoughts in their tracks. Nothing is ever a definite in life, or a guarantee. And worrying about the future will not help, so I'm trying my upmost to live in the here and now.

[Surfer]

Cherry,

Likewise I find it very hard to think of the future. Here and now is exactly where to be I think.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Amen to that surfer! I'm trying to control my thoughts and not overthink thoughts of the future. Almost on maternity now, and baby due in the next 2 weeks (if on time). It's seems like a really quick pregnancy, and in a way I kind of feel part of the excitement has been stolen from me because I've had so much stress to deal with throughout.

Still, I'm proud that I've managed to hold things together and get everything sorted by myself.

[PsySara]

Oh Cherry, I totally know what you mean about the pregnancy losing it's shine while in this situation. Unfortunately the last half of my pregnancy was some of the most anguish-filled moments of my life. Here we're supposed to be coddled and babied and instead we are basically being super heroes while our WH's are acting like teenagers. However, now I look back with pride that I still managed to go to work, take care of my kids and keep the house from falling apart while being pregnant. Seriously, you will never underestimate your inner strength after this. You should be sooooo proud of yourself, I am definitely proud of you.

[Cherry]

Thanks Sara. You're right, I'm sure I will look back and be proud of myself. Right now I'm just kinda nervous that any day soon, I will have a baby to take care of as well and my emotions are all over the place.

I've just finished work, and am now beyond exhausted. Been busy trying to get all the last things. Had plenty of up and down behaviour from wh the last few weeks. A few weeks of friendly chat, him showing an interest in the pregnancy and what he can do to help me. I even had him tell me that he has been thinking about the M and wether he did the right thing, and would anyone care and love him like I did. Then a few days later, straight out ignoring me again and back to not even being able to look at me.

Somewhat confusing, I try to not let it bother me and I just continue on the way I have. I just know I still have some conflicting thoughts in my mind, as to wether I could ever trust him and go back to that, or wether this could be worked out. I know that hormones are very likely to be playing a part in all this

[skm0619]

Cherry......

I have only started to read your sitch, but let me just say that you should be so proud of who you area....first as a woman who is standing for her marriage despite everything you have been through, and second as a mother.

I can not imagine going through all of this with a little one at home and one on the way. The fact that you are still sane speaks volumes about who you are

You said this in one of your post.....

"I feel a lot of confusion between hating the person he is, and missing and still loving the one he was"

That resonated with me and I definitely feel that same way.

I don't have much to say as far as things you can do in your sitch to make it better, because it sounds like you are doing quite well given the circumstances. I just wanted to say hang in there and stay strong.

Be proud of yourself

[Painter]

Dearest Cherry,

I just want to reach out through the screen and give you a big hug. You are going through something so unimaginably painful and difficult that I think only your young age and energy helps you manage it so amazingly.

My very best wishes for an easy birth and a lovely baby that will fill some of the emptiness I'm sure you feel.

And my heart breaks for your little son.

[Cherry]

Oh guys, thank you so much. I think it's honestly a case of you just don't know how you cope til you're doing it, just like the rest of this process. We are all here just taking tiny steps forward. And what's kept me focussed is my determination to be able to provide for my children. I've kept working for as long as possible to make sure I can make the most of my leave and save it for once baby is here, despite having chronic sickness that I've been hospitalised for throughout.

Skm, it's a hard pill to swallow isn't it, but I think it's a thing most of us feel. It's almost impossible to think of this person who once would do anything for us and loved every bit of us can turn into a complete stranger. I guess I got myself to a place that his ignoring me just didn't bother me, then he shows interest, and if nothing else I think well at least we can be friendly and civil for the children- then he shuts me out again. And it's frustrating, annoying and possibly even upsetting too. But I'll return back to my stance of not rising to it. Whatever it is is clearly his issue, and he's still oh so foggy. So I shall just continue on to do the best I can. I won't match his behaviour, I don't rant- I just leave him to it and get by doing my own thing. This way I'm doing what's best for me and best for the children.