Saw WH yesterday. I spent the day at work crying and speaking to a friend on the phone who helped me move forward a bit with regards to understanding that he's LEFT. I know it sounds mad, but because he flip flopped about leaving a few times, I am finding it difficult to understand it's actually OVER. My mindset has been that he's secretly confused and is at the back of his mind considering coming back. My friend just pointed out he's told me its over in the clearest way possible - with actions - he's living with the OW.
So cue lots of snot and weeping in a meeting room for a couple of hours. By the time I got home I had taken a mental step forward about getting go. So I was a bit down but was calm, quiet. Normally I act happy to see WH and try to connect with him by asking him about his day etc, but this time I couldn't really be bothered, was exhausted from all the crying, so just intended to make a drink and go to bed.
He asked me to join him in the kitchen to talk to him as he was pottering about and he wanted to talk about our son moving abroad with me, nothing specific, just about the mediation session he's pushed for next Monday, and then he mentioned the counsellor I asked him to see by himself. He said he's been thinking about it and would call him tomorrow. He actually said "I want to talk to him, not just because of our son." I didn't react - just nodded. He asked me a couple of times if I was all right - I said 'yeah', was cordial but a bit flat and tired. I walked out of the kitchen with my drink and settled in front of the TV and he followed and started talking about our son and his day at nursery. He mentioned he was going back to stay with his friend (as opposed to OW - yeah right, whatever!) and before he left, he talked about getting some of our son's artwork framed and put up. I don't know how to read this - recently he's been saying he wants to sell the house ASAP, so whats the point of framing stuff and putting it up?
I read a recent post from BluWave who had this valuable advice to give us newcomers - she said she wishes for our sakes we could stop analysing everything single thing WS do. I know she's right. But at the same time... It's like a Pandora box situation - I really want to look away and not think about it, but I can't help wanting to peek, wanting to find out... The Pandora's box is WH's head - I really really want to figure out what's inside.
