[roist]

You will get through this phase too. Don't put yourself under pressure to choose your path. Have faith that you will go in the right direction and until then, just be. I do believe in the benefits of moving forward and taking positive control of our lives, but not to the extent of feeling we HAVE to decide something or HAVE to do something. Your path will present itself when you are ready. Let it come to you in it's own good time.

As for your friends I think you should put a boundary on discussing H. If you like these people why deprive yourself of them? But I would look into widening your social circle.

I understand you feeling lonely and unhappy. It suckks.But do remember they are separate issues and your happiness does not depend on you being in a R. There are many married people who are lonely and many single people who are happy.

Here we often hear of the benefits of GAL. They are undeniable.
WWe can fill our lives with as much fun and other stuff and life can be great. I think being in a loving R is something that cannot be replaced by other things. But at the moment we don't have that, so best to concentrate on being happy.

Treat yourself to something nice today, even if it is just 5 minutes to enjoy a hot chocolate. Then plan something that you enjoy for this week. Ring an old (or new) friend.

Best wishes