This is something I struggle with. I anticipate feeling terrible but the truth is I don't know. Heck, W already told me she is in love with another man and it hasn't killed me yet but I know that is partly due to the fact that I don't believe they are truly in love with one another but that is merely a fantasy or delusion or infatuation. How will I feel if they are out in the open in love with one another in an actual R? It hurts to think about but let's project: I'll feel it's wrong and abandoned and betrayed and replaced and angry and sad and... Will it kill my love for her? I don't know. My problem is that I feel we will still be married even if we are technically divorced, even if she is in a R with someone else. This is stubborn and out of touch with reality, but it's how I feel now. I actually discussed this with my counselor and he said it's really hard to project how you are going to feel in the future under different circumstances. I read one other thread where the H and W continued sleeping with one another even after the WH married her AP. Does that make the XW the mistress/OW?
Gordie, I also struggled with thoughts of how I'd feel towards my W if this D went through. I think what you'll find is that with time and distance the thoughts and feelings will become less frequent and certainly less intense. In our in house S situations, I think the proximity and daily interaction makes it almost impossible to detach fully. It also makes it extremely hard to see the situation objectively and really see a positive future without our WWs. You've got the ongoing intimacy with your W which I'd assume only adds to the difficulty.
All that said, I've come to realize that life without my WW, while not optimal currently, has the potential to be great. You see posters come here off and on who are Years into their journeys and that seems to be the consistent message. Because we control ourselves, we control our future happiness and our journey. We can choose happiness and pursue it. It's just hard to see that right now as we are bogged down in this mess. To be trite, don't lose the forest for the trees.
From your writings and observations you seem to be a fairly analytical man. It's good to observe your W and how she reacts to certain things, but you can't let her reactions drive your emotions or actions. What can you be doing to pursue your own happiness right now? What will help you take your mind off this thing for 30 minutes a day? You need to give yourself a break from this thing. It's easy to get consumed by it and lose sight of yourself. Been there, done that. Find something that gets you out of the hole and back into control of yourself. Do some analysis on yourself and figure out what you want/need. Don't always put all your focus onto your W.
Rambling now, but I see a strong man here. I know you're feeling lost right now, but you are on a good path. Start working on yourself and you will feel much better brother!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
