My WW and the Great Sandi2 Experiment - part 2

[Chris73]

Hi Everyone!

So I'm back from a week in Disney World. The experience was a little surreal but extremely fun for the most part. I stayed away from the boards and anything else related to my marriage problem. And whenever my thoughts started to wander to my sitch I used a line from a silly song that my kids sing and just kept singing it out loud until I started smiling.

The surreal part was the fact that it didn't feel like there were any problems between me and my W at all. We got along fine, had fun, laughed, worked together on handling the itinerary for each day, didn't argue. And since we spent 90% of our awake time with the kids at the parks, the only uncomfortable moments were at the end of the day, once the kids were asleep.

But now I'm back and reality has set in. I spent most of yesterday morning trying to hide my tears from my family and eventually broke down in the car on my way to church (I was alone). How could we spend a week together, enjoying each other's company, laughing, and getting along well if our marriage is so far beyond repair?

My W went to work at 1:30 and I had a good day with my kids. But I have reason to believe that she lied about her whereabouts again. Her calendar showed her working until 8pm, but I have data that indicates that she left work at 5:45. And she didn't get home until 10:30. The obvious conclusion here is that she went to see OM1 or OM2 (who even knows these days it could be OM3!).

Once this became clear I started thinking about how I've had enough. That I don't know how my marriage could ever survive all of this. There are aspects of my W's behavior these days that I absolutely abhor. So even if we found a way to repair all of the damage done and rebuild the trust that has been lost, I don't even know that I like her anymore. I'd like to believe that the person I fell in love with is still in there somewhere, but I don't know if I have it in me to keep DB'ing until she comes back. Especially since it's likely that she never will come back... I mean, maybe this is the "new" her for good?

For the first time since I started posting on this board I'm starting feel that not only is saving my marriage impossible, but I'm not even sure that I want to. I've read in various sources that when you get to the point of deciding to give up, when you really think you're "done", give it another year. Use that year to ensure that you've done everything possible, that you've left no stone unturned. Use that year to become a better person for yourself even if your marriage fails because you don't want to bring any of the leftover baggage to the next relationship. Do it for your kids... exhaust every avenue to keep them from experiencing the trauma of divorce.

Ok, so all of that makes sense, but SERIOUSLY, A YEAR? I don't know if I have it in me. Besides, my W has probably already given it a year if not more. She's not making any moves towards filing for divorce because she is in a very comfortable position.

I don't know you guys (and gals), I've been going back and forth on this minute by minute today. How do you know when to give up hope? Or do you never give it up?

I guess I just need a little encouragement today...