Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Gordie]

***I believe it is simpler than what you are considering. Gordie has become the everyday ho hum. It does not matter if you are the greatest guy in the world or not. WAW's and/or WAH's have a long list of what is wrong with their spouse. We can all make that list if we choose to go there. Bottom line is your WAW has started down the path of separating from you. If this is not true, you would not be here.***

You speak the truth and I deny the truth in hopes that it one day I wake up and this has all been a nightmare. This does me no good.

***You need to prepare yourself for the path that your W has chosen. You can still be respectful, you can still be somewhat available. However, you need to exercise control over your own future, your finances and your joy.***

We're writing our separation agreement now. It's a painful process but it does require me to exercise control over my finances. I want to make sure my W and children are well taken care of but I also need to make sure I am taking care of myself too. This is leading to some painful discussions as my W is currently not rational nor is she good with money. I know her inability to manage her money well will lead to negative consequences. I know she will ask for money in the future because she will likely live above her means. She won't ask directly for herself but it will be the kids need this and the kids need that. I'm not sure how I will handle that as I don't want the kids to be the victims of her mismanagement.

***In all things protect your emotional self.***

How? I feel my heart is out there to get broken every day, some more than others. I resisted my W's efforts to get me to leave the MBR but maybe I should leave for my own sake? Is that a good idea?

***You asked how you have enabled your W. It was your own admission that you were living to hear her ping you (tele calls and text post). For her to show some sign of love. Your hope is that somehow the nightmare will just go away. Problem is, you are not in control of her nightmare, her drama. At best, you can only control Gordie. Please focus on yourself and stop trying to figure your WAW out.***

Truth--I am still more focused on her than me.

***I agree with the earlier poster that you don't know the truth about W's relationship with OM. A WAW will not tell you the truth.***

Yes, this is a distinct possibility.

***Walk away spouses also continue to try to draw their spouse into the drama. At least until they feel emotionally and financially secure to pursue their fantasy.***

What do you mean? I don't understand.

***Bottom line, is you can't do anything about your W's choices. You need to get strong, independent and start moving away from her. She needs to see it. You need to inject a little of your own choices into the equation to show it's not all about her. Stop letting the tail wag the Gordie dog.***

Thank you. Yes, but right now it is all about her. In the MLC section of the book it discusses this and how unfair it seems that it is all about the MLCS. Maybe I need to re read to figure out how to cope.

***I am in your corner Gordie. I am not so sure your WAW will turn back. Thus, I urge you to prepare and consider LRT's as I believe this saga needs to be upset. WAW needs to think her drama is about to become her reality, not yours.***

Okay. I made a change this morning. I did not kiss or hug her this morning. I'll try to pull back this week, more than ever before.

***All your growth and realization of how you blew it is great. It is necessary to confess sin and ask forgiveness. The spouse needs to honor the confession and be open to a path for healing. Unfortunately, many find it easier to give up and move on which only subjects them to a repeat performance.***

I did and she said she forgave me but it is too late.

***You on the other hand have learned much about making relationships work. Relationships are hard work. The soul mate stuff is crap.***

What do you mean the soul mate stuff is crap?