If you were to ask me 1 year ago if I ever thought in my life I would be in the current situation I am in with my wife, I would have told you not a chance ever. I can imagine most members of this site would have had the same answer. I have been lurking a little over a month or so. I feel like I know so many of you already because I am constantly on this website all day trying to find clues or answers. I am going to try to make this as brief as possible without missing any main points of my situation. I could make this thing 10 pages easily but I will spare all of you. If anyone has any questions please ask and I will clarify as best I can.
We are both 30 years old, high school sweethearts, together 14 years, married 5, No kids. First real relationship for both of us. Marriage for the first 4 years was great, we traveled a lot, went out on a lot of dates, got closer to our friends, and spent lots of time with family. We were best friends, inseparable. Never really had any arguments or fighting. Maybe a small disagreement here or there. Nothing major. We work together but I also have another job that is demanding. The last year the stress of working together became a bigger issue and started causing problems with us, albeit smaller issues that I and I doubt she thought were causing as much damage to our marriage as it did. We were not the best with communicating our issues which I have now learned through my recent expanding knowledge on marriage issues. We both swept things under the rug thinking it was best for each other. I started to look for a new job a little over a year ago. I am in the process of being hired but this process is extremely slow and also stressful.
Beginning of November wife is getting depressed which is normal because her birthday was coming up which causes her to be depressed (she has anxiety, maybe mild depression) I notice and ask her about it through text message and she says shes depressed, a lot on her mind and our relationship is the main thing. I ask her how I can help her she responds you cant, and we'll talk later. I come home from work two days later and I know she is not happy so I do my best to make her happy and try to communicate whats going on with her when I get the BD, ILYBINILWY. I break down, we both cry, hug, and hold each other. The way shes speaking I knew she is serious about this and shes already talking as if this is the end. She leaves that day for work and never came home. She started staying at her parents and came every couple days to grab clothes or items while I am not there. We have met up quite a few times through November-now. A couple times we have met for dinners, she came over and we watched a movie once, sports game at her families house, lunches, and still see each other limited at work. During one of the times we met in December she says she does not think we should be together. I told her she needs to be positive in this that it will forever change both of our lives. She still says we should not be together. I did the usual begging, pleading, crying, bargaining probably more then I care to admit. I have also had two or three anxiety/panic attacks. A day after she told me she did not want to be together she says maybe she has a mental disorder. A couple close family members are Bipolor, depression, etc. I tell her don't make any marriage plans yet, lets get you taken care of first if that is an issue it could be causing you to think our marriage is the problem when its some thing else. I found her a therapist she has gone a couple times and the therapist says her depression is situational and agrees that she should not be married anymore. So she stopped going to therapy and this therapist sealed the deal for her.
We have both moved out of our rental home, I could not afford it on my own. She would go there while I am at work and take things out slowly. We have limited communication, mostly through text messages, she has called me very few times since she left. In the beginning we texted often and started I slowly pulling back. I have noticed when I pull back and don't reach out to her she notices, sends me a couple texts, followed by "lets meet and catch up" I agree we see each other. I try to re-engage and she goes cold again on me. She would and still has recently sent me texts "thinking about you, hope your safe" or some thing along those lines, that is usually when I don't respond for 24 hours give or take and once I do she responds quickly and leads to "lets meet up" scenarios. She tells she does not hate me, she doesn't want anything bad to happen to me, I am still her best friend, we just no longer work as a couple, wants this end peacefully as possible and so on.
As for the worst news. One night I was worrying about her and out of desperation decided to check her phone record online to see activity that she was safe. She was out for the weekend with friends going to a club then a hotel, this was planned before the separation. I found a phone call to a mutual friend of ours in the very early hours of the morning, and an hour later another one. Both of these calls placed by her and were only 5 minute phone calls. I could not believe it at the time, and honestly It is still hard to believe. The next day I started digging through the last year worth of phone records, they have had a spike in calls in the last 6 months, which my wife says she's felt this way for 6 months. I work a 48 hour shift once a week, many of the times I am gone there has been phone calls in the middle of the night, usually only a few minutes long. After separation these phone calls spiked again. There has been early morning (3:00AM) calls as recent as last week that last 5 minutes. The majority of these calls are only a few minutes. One of the times we met for dinner, probably together 2 hours, I left thinking she still has feelings for me, as soon as she got into her car she called him and they talked for 5 minutes. He is also a co-worker of hers and I once had a suspicion about an interaction they had once which she shot down, and I trust my wife more than anyone else on this planet so I believed her and thought it was just me. I do have a few other small pieces of evidence but nothing concrete enough as of yet. But the bigger piece of evidence is my gut feeling.
As of right now we have no lawyers and have not started any divorce processes. I told her if that is what she wants then she will have to be the one to do it. I am not doing it. I realize I have done things that were not the best for our marriage but I never did things intentionally, I worked 2-3 jobs at a time, did not put our marriage before my work. I was not good at expressing love in her own love language, which hurts me because I love her more than she will ever imagine. All marriages have ups and downs, I thought our down was temporary because of stress and our marriage would hold us together, my mistake, I now know it takes more than being married to keep a marriage lasting and loving, unfortunately it may be too late. I begged and pleaded with my wife, told her I would do anything, marriage counselling, quit all my jobs and get a new one, move to a new home and start over. My wife is not open to any of these ideas right now. I believe she may possibly attend marriage counselling I am pretty sure I can talk her into it. She did agree that we could see the priest that married us at one point, not sure if she is still willing to do that. I feel hopeless, I love and care about her more than she will ever know. My biggest fear is loosing her. We have created so many great memories together and shared a huge history together, I find it very hard that she would throw it all away so easily, and I am hurt that she is not willing to fight for our marriage. She basically told me there is a problem, and walked. I am losing my wife, as well as my best friend.
I cant think of any other major thing I would like to add to this. Like I said earlier any questions please feel free to ask I will do my best to answer timely. Sorry for any errors as I am making this on my phone.
