Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[sandi2]

Since then, have tried to be calm. Interactions are not unpleasant, we are being civil and cordial. She asked me to pick up some cream for the dinner she was cooking for all of us, so I did. I am assuming that as she is doing the family meal and I am included that it would up pointless, unkind and selfish to not assist.

I have a hard time understanding men who know the W is cheating under their very roof......and yet, he convinces himself with some type of b.s. rationale that he should make an even bigger effort to nice her back. Come on........you caught her lying, dishonoring your boundary, and cheating. She practically told the OM she fantasizes about him as she is having sex with you....but then you feel it would be selfish and unkind of you not to assist her in preparing the meal?

Anyway, her new bed arrives next Saturday, so she will move out of MBR. That physical space may help with things, I can't do backrubs or ML if she is in a different room.

Oh really? What if she goes to your room, or calls you into hers......making up some excuse for you to hold her again? The physical space won't help as long as she can wrap you around her finger so easily. I wish you would have followed my advice about the importance attraction plays......and for the WW, she wants what she can't have so easily. The woman does not respect a man who knows she is betraying him, and he still gives her anything she wants (back rubs, hugs, sex, etc.). She is not attracted to a man who catches her red handed....and then runs to her side to cook supper b/c he has nice-guy syndrome.

WW is still saying that she wants to move due to her not getting enough sleep, although from what I have seen recently, I haven't caused her any issues getting to sleep.

Stop it. Why are you paying any attention to what she is "saying"? She is moving into another room b/c it benefits her. Plain & simple. You see, she has no problem wondering if it is selfish or unkind. It is what she wants, and she will lie to make herself look better. Stop looking at her as if you need to woo her back into the MR, as if she is normal. She is wayward!

I think what you saying makes sense. I'm not that sure the DB/DR book approach wouldn't work eventually, but it just seems like a recipe for cake eating in the mean time, and I don't want to have trouble looking myself in the mirror by accepting what she is doing.

Okay, then I am going to believe that last part is referring to your self-respect. It is important that you are able to maintain respect for yourself, isn't it? Would I be correct in saying that plays a big part in your decision making up to this time in your life? If so, then I hope you will be able to understand how important it is to a MR. A man has to respect himself, and command respect from others, especially those in his own house. The children have to be taught to respect him (even if they are disobedient and rebel), and so does the man's wife. It will not happen by being their BFF, or by ignoring their bad behavior. It won't happen if they are not held accountable, don't face consequences of their actions, or continue enjoying benefits you provide. Respect is the gateway to love and admiration.