Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Gordie]

***It sounds like you are implying women only respect alpha males.***

Rose--thank you, as always. I don't think that but it seems that sandi2 and others think that which I have found surprising and part of why I am asking the question. I actually don't think I am strongly alpha or beta but somewhere in the middle.

***Honestly, I can only tolerate alpha males in small doses, as a brief break from regular life. Any longer than that and I can't stand the arrogance. Give me the calm, rationale, willing to consider another point of view, easy to work with beta male any day. Confidence is not limited to alpha males. In fact, many "alpha males" I know seem to be trying to cover up their insecurities.***

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear the other perspective on this. Awesome questions below.

***As for how you show your wife that you can be in a relationship with a strong woman . . . do you often complain about how she does things?***

W is super sensitive to any complaints or criticisms and she never says she's sorry so have learned it's not worth it. On little things, we agree to do things differently. On big things, we defer to each others' areas of responsibility (W home and children, me money, cars, etc,).

***When you spend time together, who picks the activity, restaurant, movie, etc?***

We are generally collaborative where I ask her what she wants to do/where she wants to go and then I take care of the logistics. On movies, our tastes differ so we don't go see movies together.

***Do you "mansplain"?***

Yes, I sometimes do this and my W resents it. This is an area where I'm trying to improve in terms of assuming she understands something unless she indicates otherwise.

***When she shares something donyou let her explain her point of view and really seek to understand what she is saying before you respond? If she comes to you with an issue, do you make sure she is done talking before you jump in with a fix?***

This is another area of complaint where I have tried to improve greatly. I have learned she just wants me to listen and not share my viewpoint at all unless requested.

***Do you make decisions collaboratively, or do you have the final say? What happens if you disagree on a major life issue?***

As per the above, we defer to each other's area of expertise. She has final say on some things and I have final say on others and we have not had major disagreements until recently.

***Alpha and beta rank people relative to each other. I give respect based on a person's character. It's easy to respect a confident, collaborative beta male.***

Thank you for those words of wisdom. I need to spend more time thinking about these issues and what you said.