Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #2

[Woke_Up]

Seriously, if she had really had it out with the OM, I bet she'd know exactly how to end it with him. Her excuses sound scripted from the WW textbook.

Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with you after this weekend.

Otherwise, I think she's playing you. The more she sees you accepting her betraying behavior, and she still profits from the MR in some kind of way......the less intent she'll have in ending things with OM.

That's what I was feeling today. I had been getting my hopes up after she talked of ending the EA. She had been googling 'dear john' letters on Thursday, and she was reading 'Torn Asunder' on Friday - but then on Friday night or Saturday she talked about the book and was quite dismissive as there was a lot of religion in it, or people who were in the Church having A's. W is not particularly religious, she describes herself as Spiritual. I asked if there was anything useful in it, and she said some parts. But behavior has not changed.

Anyway, her new bed arrives next Saturday, so she will move out of MBR. That physical space may help with things, I can't do backrubs or ML if she is in a different room. WW is still saying that she wants to move due to her not getting enough sleep, although from what I have seen recently, I haven't caused her any issues getting to sleep.

The wayward spouse is not specifically addressed in the book, and the same approach is given for everyone......which in some cases, I have to respectfully disagree. I'm just giving you my personal opinion. If you will research the subject of the wayward wife, I think you'll find that a soft-love approach is not successful. With the WAW, most definitely, yes....and maybe even with some MLCW (IDK, b/c I haven't studied MLCW very much). My focus has been on the wayward, and I also believe there are many newcomers who label their own spouse as MLC, b/c the overt behavior mirrors the description list they read about MLC. However, it may not be MLC at all, but rather waywardness that has festered for years and just now acting out in the rebellion stage.

I think what you saying makes sense. I'm not that sure the DB/DR book approach wouldn't work eventually, but it just seems like a recipe for cake eating in the mean time, and I don't want to have trouble looking myself in the mirror by accepting what she is doing. As for MLC, I think there are times elements are intermingled. My WW is currently focusing on feeling old, wrinkles, wanting BOTOX etc, but I don't feel this is a primary cause of her waywardness, it maybe just adds to it.