Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Rose888]

I agree. I found the exercise to be helpful in that it made me realize that I can never be the faithful and obedient dog that she currently wants. It's just not me. Yes, I can be more attentive, I can enjoy being in her presence, I can be a better listener. The odd thing is that it's the opposite of what W was attracted to me in the first place: intellectual, a leader, driven. Now those things are turn offs. The POM represents the opposite: anti intellectual, a follower, not ambitious. My W wants to be the intellectual, the leader and the driven one in the R and thinks that both partners can't be that, at least that's my guess. How can I change or demonstrate that it is possible? At this stage, I'm afraid I can't because I am competing with her fantasy. She has to prove herself right or wrong on her own terms and being with me doesn't allow for that.

So many here say the W wants the strong man that she respects...well this is one W who is tired of the alpha male and wants to trade me in for a beta male. Any advice on this?

It sounds like you are implying women only respect alpha males.

Honestly, I can only tolerate alpha males in small doses, as a brief break from regular life. Any longer than that and I can't stand the arrogance.

Give me the calm, rationale, willing to consider another point of view, easy to work with beta male any day.

Confidence is not limited to alpha males. In fact, many "alpha males" I know seem to be trying to cover up their insecurities.

As for how you show your wife that you can be in a relationship with a strong woman . . . do you often complain about how she does things? When you spend time together, who picks the activity, restaurant, movie, etc? Do you "mansplain"? When she shares something donyou let her explain her point of view and really seek to understand what she is saying before you respond? If she comes to you with an issue, do you make sure she is done talking before you jump in with a fix? Do you make decisions collaboratively, or do you have the final say? What happens if you disagree on a major life issue?

Alpha and beta rank people relative to each other.

I give respect based on a person's character.

It's easy to respect a confident, collaborative beta male.