A WW? (7)

[lt0402]

Thanks FG! i appreciate you my friend and the kind words are exactly what I needed. I really found some solace by gaining a better understanding of compassion, both for my W and myself. AndrewP awhile ago really helped me see the compassion part in regards to my W. That helped immensely to get past the anger of the PA.

On my W being lost, i hadn't really thought down that path yet FG. That's interesting and could very well be what's driving her anxiety right now. It'd also explain why she's so intertwined with my D. Ive asked her to take a look at going back to work. Maybe if she does that she can start to figure out which way is north on her compass. Maybe not. We will see. My IC continues to think W was using PA as a way to force the dissolution of the M in her mind. He thinks that's why she's stopped levering it (I think) after I showed her I would fight it. The lost part could very well be where she is now. Thanks FG, going to give that one more thought.

One other thing I've been thinking of today. W has said multiple times that I need to discuss things with her. She says that she knows she has a poor attitude and is difficult to talk to. But she says I still need to talk to her. I find myself today wondering if she's offering me a solution to breaking her silence. I wonder if that's the answer. Standing in front of her and forcing dialogue from her. Breaking the cycle of avoidance forcefully for both of us. Knowing that she will fight and ignore and be mean but still standing my ground and forcing the dialogue. I wonder if consistency there would give her comfort in some wierd way. Show her that things are different and I won't give up. Not sure, but that's been bouncing in my brain today.

Quick journaling then bed. Up early and hung out with D from 7-930. Breakfast then D and I played until 1230. Went for a run then played with D and her friend for a bit. Left them with W and I went to the gym. Been having shoulder issues with the working out so I met with a personal trainer today to tweak my routine. Learned a bunch and am feeling good about it. Came home and hung out with D until another friend came over for a sleepover. Went and got them pizza. Played with hem for a bit bt spent a few hours finalizing travel details for Ds and my trip in the spring.

Some friends talked me into doing a Tough Mudder 10 miler in June. Going to start training for that on Monday. It'll be good to have a goal to work towards. Excited about that. W pretty much ignored me all day. Not out of the norm. Didn't keep me from speaking to her and being pleasant. Did find out that W didn't go to the women's march bc she was tired of the bickering amongst her friends over the hotel accomodations. D told me that today.

Need to plug into some other people's situations here. It's interesting to see a whole new cycle of folks around as our friends from the summer become less frequent visitors. There's solace in being able to help others as they go through what we suffered 6 months ago. Need to do a better job of helping where I can. Feel like I'm slacking in that respect. Thank you all for your help over the past six months!