I totally get how you feel about the resentment, I still do, some days are better than others. It might take several months before he changes and starts to shift the blame from you to him. Stay patient and vigilant!
In view of the "garage issue", it seems that your husband is still very prone to "uncontrolled reaction". What about when one of your kids will learn how to drive and hit something... I know they are still young but...
MlCers are touchy and stay that way for a long time even when the replay phase is done. Mine is still very touchy and sometimes "misinterprets things and yells", tonight I explained to him " that he was he one who didn't get it" in a very polite manner with proofs while we were talking about a particular subject. Before I would have say nothing now I just stand my ground, my point is: I don't want to be a doormat for the rest of my life with him. I have my boundaries and I will keep them forever.
A gift is something you give without expecting something in return, so him expecting something from you is a total lack of kindness, he probably assumes that he regained control of you. My husband assumed the same for a few weeks until he noticed that he was wrong, he misinterpreted my detachment/validation for submission since I was not fighting/reacting anymore, lol.
The car, he put the down payment on, is used to drive his own kids. The house, he put the down payment upon, is used to shelter his kids and his wife. Do you see my point.
In regard of the family expenses, the balance seems not in his favor, he can send money to his family at large but it shouldn't be at the detriment of his own family (wife and children), it should come from the money that he is using for his toys and their maintenance. He seems he wants to have the best of both world, being the good son and and being supported by his wife which he cheated on.
He agreed with you on something different and he is revisiting the rules to his own advantages. May be remind him of his "promises" next time he brings the subject. Remember him that's his duty to share the expenses for his kids (food, education, shelter, health, activities...) Do a spreadsheet and compare... Is he going to argue with a spreadsheet? A spreadsheet has no emotion just numbers.
It seems that he is still very selfish, he is using the gifts he gave you as leverage to get what he wants. It is obvious he still not have any empathy/remorses/regrets for what you went through. Sorry to tell you that but it takes time for the fog to lift even after OW is gone for a while. They are left with nobody to stroke their egos, they now know she was not the solution for their problems but they are still clueless about what to do to feel better. So keep detaching, GAL, boundaries and, be nice to him but with no expectations.
We must be strong to manage all of that at once. It's difficult to fix a situation when the situation is "hot", so the fact you have been able to "cool down" your situation is fantastic. Once things are stabilized, the real changes, the ones that will stay for the long run, will happen but only when his mindset will shift.
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
