I could not help but get upset when I read about your best friend Zues, because his story is mine pre BD.
While my ex did not play any sports, he wanted to be able to sleep whenever he wanted and work and watch football. He resented the sacrifices that come with having a family. He left and I am positive he is a happier man. He can do whatever he wants now. He sees his son 4 days a month and during that time, his mother wakes up early with him and bathes him and puts him to bed. Life is super easy.
Here is my opinion. Being married and having a child was something ex and I both agreed on. It is no big secret, that having children changes your life. That you make sacrifices when you bring a child into the world. But don't sign up for something you cant handle. And if you do sign up for it and find it difficult, toughen up because you committed. Imagine if our soldiers committed to the armed forces, only to decide "hey this is tough. let me walk away from it all in the midst of battle"
To walk away from parenthood means that someone else has to take up for your slack. In some cases, tax payer money. In my case, my retired parents. Having a child is a huge sacrifice. But i chose to have a child and I am going to stay committed to that child no matter how hard it is and despite the sacrifices I too made (career, health, hobbies, passions, entertainment). I am also going to do whats in the best interest for the child that I chose to bring into the world, even if it means my dreams are not met. If I was to pursue a lifelong hobby and have my spouse work full time, who would be there for the kids? A nanny? Grandma? Our choices and actions in life have consequences. We have to live with the consequences in a way that is morally and ethically right.
My ex is not a jerk because he is refusing to give me a million dollars to make my life easier. He is a jerk because he broke a commitment in order to choose an easier path for himself and inconvenience others for what was his choice in life.
His resentment torward's me, and his villification of me were deeply traumatizing. He takes no ownership of that. But I do think we should take ownership of how we treat other people in life.
