Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[bigybiz]

This morning W came to the house to collect S10. She arrived sat down the three of us watched a few minutes of TV, she and I talked about Inauguration ceremony, various other topics i.e. the dogs, my parent's health, S16, our neighbors, our ongoing basement renovation etc. Then S10 gathered his things and they left after almost an hour. This past summer when she collected S10 on Saturday mornings, she was in and out of the house in 10 min.

Earlier this week S16 commented to me that he was seen his mom more in the past few weeks then he has in months. As you know, she has been at the house and joining us for meals out, movies, aka - taking a more active role in the family.

D21 had seen and spoken to her mother 0 times between June and October aside from a few text messages. D21 reached out and took her mother out for dinner in late Oct. They have been out together 2 or 3 times since then.

This reminded me of the story of Randy in the DB book (page 180). Randy had implemented LRT and noticed that his W was "lingering" when she dropped off his son, she was taking an interest in Randy, they were spending time together as a family. Randy's story ends with the family on the verge of reuniting in their home.

Clearly there is some change in W. It may have nothing to do with me. Perhaps another man turned her down, maybe she got some bad news from the Dr, maybe the stress of the new job is getting to her, etc, etc. I don't know and for sure she is not telling.

Yes, Rose - I did do a temp check and it was cold. Still - she has been more receptive to me in the past few weeks then she has been in months. So maybe not ice cold - just cold.

Am I doing what's working no idea? I struggle with the idea that I'm controlling by being unpredictable and "producing results".

Yes, I'm sure that what I've written makes me look like a mad scientist plotting and scheming to get W to come back. TBH, I am substantially less "obsessed" then when I came to the DB site in Feb 2016.

I certainly feel more confident and ready to face the world if W moves ahead with D.

I guess the questions are:

1) Is there a change in her or am I dreaming

2) Should and how should I support that change? I can't believe it would be bad for my sons for their mother to be playing a more active role in their home.

3) Is what I'm doing right for the R or will it prove to be damaging? I can tell you that it's great for me. Out of necessity I've conquered more in the past 13 months then I have in the past 6 years.