The more open you are here, the better people can help. Those 2x4s are for our own good. Cherish them as guides instead of avoiding them.
It is tough knowing what to do and I imagine with your H rekindling friendship is really hard to know how to be. Be the best you possible and the rest will fall into place.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together