I'm sorry, but I totally disagree w/the way you are handling YOUR situation. He left you and the marriage, but from everything that you've posted, he is still trying to be there for his children. You are punishing him for his affair and I do agree that what he's doing is very wrong in the eyes of God, as well as to your marriage vows when he's still involved w/the ow...but, and this is a very large but, he is still trying to be there for his kids.
He has every right as a father to attend his children's parent teacher conferences and counseling sessions at the school. He is the children's FATHER! If I were in his shoes, I would show up and to heck w/your feelings. He wants to know what is going on w/his children and I have to hand it to him that he's asking you about attending that conference. Most people wouldn't, they would just show up.
You are punishing him for leaving YOU. By trying to control when and where he can go to find out info about his children or even to see his children will not set well if and when you go to court. If you continue down this path, he may even take you to court because of it.
My advice, put your anger to good use elsewhere and stop trying to control all aspects of your children's lives. Foster a better relationship between them and their father because later on down the road, your children will find out what has transpired w/your control issues and just very well may resent you for what you've done, not only to them, but to their father. They may even see you as being controlling, manipulative, spiteful, vindictive and yes, the one word that I dread hearing...bitter. Please stop using your children as pawns in this game of "punishing your h" for what he's done/and is continuing to do. It's not going to bode well for you, especially when the children are older.
If you aren't going to try to DB and work on yourself, i.e., work on those things that you know need work, then why are you here? We ALL see what you are doing and we ALL can't be wrong in our advice to you. I'm going to suggest that if you aren't in therapy, maybe it's time to consider it or go see a priest, minister, rabbi or join a group that is called parents w/o partners or a divorce group. You need to have someone to talk to help you work through that anger and start moving forward. I, like the others, haven't seen any progress being made by YOU. Until you change the way you are dealing w/your situation, nothing will change.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but it's time Mia, to get some professional help.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
