Haven't we all heard the stories of the people that cheat and then the W/H kicks them to the curb and moves on??? What does the cheater do? And why do they do it? ... The H/W that was cheated on are not posting here? Why??? Think about it for a minute. They have their S begging for forgiveness and to come back? What is different?
I think it's a natural fight or flight reaction. Those people that "fly" as you described above are getting away from the pain. Meanwhile, those of us that choose to "fight" have to continue to endure the pain.
Sure, flying away may lead to the WS coming to chase after us, but I feel that it doesnt actually solve any problems or lead to any growth. I think we grow BECAUSE of the pain, not in spite of it.
When I first experienced BD, I would have done anything to save that marriage. But having gone through the pain and struggle and come out for the best, I imagine that the remaining years I have left will be better for this experience. If my old marriage was a 7, I intend to make sure my next one is a 9. It isnt my fault that my ex didnt want to join me in it.
Terrific post. I agree.
We all contribute to marriages, but remember, we are ALL flawed humans. One of the biggest contributions to a marriage you can give is to forgive your spouse. For little and big things. If you hold resentment and anger within you for your spouse not being perfect, or not doing what YOU want, you are doomed. The marriage is doomed. And you will live a very sad existence.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
