Onwards

[twinmom]

Yep! I agree.... sorry Mia but it's no wonder your sitch hasn't made any progress, you haven't followed DB rules/principles. Why would he want to come back to a marriage to someone that controls & uses the kids?

Sorry, Mia, I am about lay harder into you than anyone before on my forever on these boards. I preface this with telling you what I am about to say is for your benefit. I am sorry in advance, but if you don't straighten this out, you are going to regret it horribly in the future. You may not be able to see it now, but it's true. This coming from a person who went through what you did, maybe in even a worse of a way. Please listen closely.

What you are doing in flat out wrong. Your ex leaving and having an A was flat out wrong too, but two wrongs don't make a right, especially when it comes to our kids.

I've seen posts where youa re contantly are saying different ways this man is trying ot be a part of his kids life and you completely block him out. You let him in a teensy tiny bit as you see fit. because this is all unfair? Because HE deserves it? Because YOU want control?!

Mia, seriously. That is going to damage to the kids. Do you want to mitigate the damage leaving did to the kids, or do you want to equally do damage? what is more important to you?

One day your kids will go to your ex and ask why he wasn't more involved. The answer won't be because he left the family. It will be because mom didn't let him. DO you want that?

Here is the harsh truth: He left you, not the kids. It s*cks, it is awful, it hurts like hell, but it's the truth. Here is a father who wants to be as active in his kids life as he can be, and you keep blocking him. Your kids will end up resenting you, not him. Is that what you want?

Take your pride, tuck it away, and let him be involved. You trying to control the aspects he is involved in with his own kids only hurts your kids.

Honestly, if I was him, I wouldn't even be asking if he could go to parents evening. I would just go. he has every right to be there. I sat beside my ex wanting to kill him at the few he did go to, but it was about our daughter. Not about me. He eventually dropped off, he doesn't take much interest in her real life, just in taking her along as an accessory when he has family and friends around. But when he shows interest, I encourage it. because it means a lot to my daughter. And because I never want her coming back to me saying "you didn't let dad be a part of my life"

You don't get to pick and chose, Mia because you feel entitled because he broke up the marriage.

I'm sorry, this had to be said. I hope you hear me, I hope you heed my advice, because I think you might sliently thank me one day. Curse me now, go ahead. But maybe give it some thought.