WH and I continue to get along, I do not start R talks and I purposely keep my best foot forward. I also continue to go to the gym, get my medical condition looked into (I did the treadmill test, halter monitor and ECHO and follow up at the end of the month) and keep working on my own personal issues with anger management.
I have a lot of sticking points and am trying to figure out if I can get over the resentment and fury I feel over WH cheating. WH still isn't strong enough to discuss his role in his cheating so until he is I will hold off. Eventually it will have to be addressed and WH will have to start pulling his own. In the past he still blame shifts and feels if I had been a better wife then he would have never cheated, this is bullsh*t of course. I was often not happy in our marriage but didn't NEED to go have sex with someone else. You don't deal with an unhappy marriage by cheating, you work on fixing your marriage!
Yesterday the nanny moved one of my WH's cars to make room for my car in the garage. When WH came home he was furious and basically went to the spare room to decompress. I went in and talked to him, I validated and he appeared to be okay. Later he started talking about buying a new motorcycle and jokingly (but not really) about me buying it for him. He mentioned he put the very big down payment on my car and also is putting the down payment on the house. While I appreciate this (hugely) I also feel like his gifts have strings attached. There is an expectation that I will in turn buy him expensive gifts. This makes it seem like an exchange and not a gift. So I am mulling over how to broach this in the least inflammatory way. If I knew WH were going to bring up these expensive gifts every time he wants something then I would have just bought a cheaper car myself or waited on getting a house.
Meanwhile I pay most of the day-to-day bills, rent, car cable/internet, childcare for the baby, electricity and utilities. WH sends a chunk of his money to his parents, his uncle and pays for his vehicles, the older kids tuition,our cell phone and insurance. Somehow things ended up very different than we initially planned. He told me he would pay all household bills and I cold just pay off my student loan debt. When I have tried to bring this up he inevitably gets offended and accuses me of being ungrateful. Sigh.....not sure how to discuss this without it blowing up. Meanwhile we are closing on the house next Thursday.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
