Zues, that was an excellent post! Life isn't fair. It just isn't. For anyone, actually. There are parts that are great, and there are parts that s*ck big time. ANd we want to find someone to blame for it. But blaming someone doesn't change a thing.
I can sit here and say it's all my ex's fault, 9 years later I am still single, renting a house, not owning, changed jobs umpteen jobs to make it work for my D9's schedule, had no help from anyone, and now I am in a job that pays well and is flexible but bores the crap out of me and I have no passion for like I did my other jobs. But I can't keep blaming him. It just it what it is and I do the best with it.
JuJu, I want you to think about something. Your ex slept until 2 everyday, didn't help you, wasn't pretty much absent from the family. You resented him for that. Imagine you were still with him, you got this diagnosis for your S, he was still uninterested and sleeping in until 2 every day and still didn't communicate. The only thing that would be different is finances. But you would still be unhappy, you would still be resentful of his choices.
The divorce only changed the finances. Let's say you get what you feel financially entitled to. Will you feel better? Will all the rest go away? Will the divorce not upset you anymore?
The truth is, the only way you would have been happy with him is if HE changed. If he woke up at a decent time, was a part of the family, helped with S, was a supportive loving H. But you can't make him into something he is not. And if you are going ot hinge your happiness on him becoming someone he isn't, you are in for a life of misery. ANd you would have been in for a life of misery with him or without him because he wasn't going to change with or without you.
So what do you want? A life if misery or happiness? Some people are very content with a life of misery if they have someone to blame. But I met you. That is not you. You are a vibrant beautiful, smart woman and mother who has great potential to enjoy this life and to enjoy a true partner ship and a happy life. You aren't a miserable woman. So don't be one!!!! It really is a choice! I'd hate to see a missed opportunity to enjoy life because of this guy who can't be what you need him to be. Whether you were married to him or not. because if you were still married to him, you would still have to make that choice every day not to be miserable. to be happy given a circumstance you weren't happy with.
