Waywards do come back. First step: LET GO

[PsySara]

At one point I kicked WH to the curb, exposed him and OW to their families and felt everything was copacetic. This resulted in WH taking the affair underground (secret second phone, going dark for days without talking to the kids) and even more damage being done. My coach was even frustrated with me, he felt my approach was vindictive and further enforced my WH's belief of my hardness.

I think the trick is to lovingly detach. Too often kicking the cheating spouse to the curb is done in a harsh and self righteous manner, thus making the path back home too bumpy. I was a member of another board and was following their suggestion to put down hard lines and were cheering me on. I felt (at the time) that I was justified in my actions. But I lost focus of my goal, which was to not just save my M but to build a better one with WH. I think it set me back at least 6 months. What's my point? Not 100% sure but there are parts of the technique that weren't working for me so I had to adjust my method.