Waywards do come back. First step: LET GO

[BluWave]

Someone in another post referred to me as a celebrity, and while I am slightly flattered, lol, I am more so feeling a need to be more cautious with what I post! Please don't think that because my H came back--and I have turned the table so to speak, as he is now the pursuer and I the distancer--that this means I am an expert. Not at all! Like I said, I blew it. I blew it often and for a long time. However, when I did finally let go--started to plan a life without him, stopped spewing, and allowed myself to focus on other things, he quickly turned around.

Knowing what I know now about our history and timeline, if I had followed DB principles and Sandi's rules from day one, I don't think H would have ever left. We have talked about everything and I can see story line with clear lenses now. Don't get me wrong, it would have been tough and the recovery still gruesome, but I do not think we would have separated and he would have not have ran to OW. We were separated for almost a year, and I put a lot of energy into thinking about him and his every move, I was emotionally devastated and spewing, and I didn't allow myself enough time to step back and reflect on me and what I could change about myself. Not to win him back, but for me I mean.

So let me clarify why I say what I do about those people that kick their cheating spouse to the curb. Sure, if you cling on (which most posters do), that doesn't work. You are needy, you are desperate, and you further give your S reasons to leave you. I am not suggesting that by turning your back on them and having them chase you, that that alone will restore the M. Not at all.

Here is the difference. Those that have enough confidence to say, "I deserve better than this, and I am not putting up with a cheating spouse," are able to begin the process of detachment sooner. Is it healthy to "fly" away, close the door on the M, and never reflect back on what happened? No, not at all. These are not mutually exclusive. But is it more healthy to allow detachment sooner and accept the end of the M, while also reflecting on your part in the M, and simultaenously putting up boundaries? Does that also lead to being the better option and more attractive to your S down the road? I think so.


Blu