So, Sandi great info, but how would one decide whether it is MLC vs WW. I know in my situation, all signs pointed one way, but who the heck really knows?
That's a really good question. Just doing a google search will show one reason why we are confused. So far, I have not found a site that explained the differences. In fact, I did not find one that used WW, MLC, and WAW in the same article (or whatever the site might have been). Crazy, huh? Why hasn't someone tackled that job? (It's probably out there, but I have not found it.)
You may have read how MLC is the result of a person transitioning from the younger side of life, into middle age.....and for various reasons they strongly resist it to the point of creating a mess of their life and the lives of their spouse and kids. From what I have gleaned from the years I've been here, is how certain things can happen that seem to trigger the MLC. So, I think it can be more complicated than just transitioning into middle age. The person in MLC may be angry at everyone around them, or angry at life for cheating them in some way. I won't get off into all of it, b/c it is too much. Another thing that is discouraging about MLC, is can last for several years.
The wayward wife can be any age, and she's not in transition. Where MLC may appear to show up overnight, I think waywardness happens covertly, so appears to be at a slower rate.....until she hits overt rebellion. She has a lot of anger, too, but her anger is directed toward her H. She blames him for everything bad, and nothing good happen for her....and he's why she is not happy. Her waywardness is born out of her heart when she allows resentment toward her H to take root. She doesn't forgive and she doesn't forget. She holds on to that resentment and she usually feeds it. She feels disrespect in her heart for her H. She begins to show her resentment and disrespect in subtle ways, at first, and as it builds momentum.....she dares to feel rebellion toward her M and her H. The rebellion is usually seen in her growing inappropriate behavior. Waywardness is a defiant, bitter, selfish, and hardened heart......directed toward her spouse. The disrespect she feels for her spouse affects her loving feelings. In most cases that I've read, the WW creates a fantasy in her head that propels her EA/PA/IA.
There is more than we could hope to cover in a few posts, about the WW and MLCW. Knowing your W's past, her parents, life changing experiences, and former long-term R's.......might enlighten you, if you suspect MLC. Your marital history, the dynamics of the MR, and her temperament/attitude toward you.....might help you decide if she fits the description of a WW. Sometimes, it takes learning more information on the subject, and a lot of personal and honest Q & A about your W and your MR, in order to know the basis or source of the problems.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
