What Lies Beneath

[Dawgs]

Hi 010207! (That's a mouthful to type out, so I may say Chewie per your reference. HAHA)

This one kills me. It's something I think about and is one of the most painful things.

You know, this was one of the most difficult things for me to see and accept. I never thought she'd choose a life out of our marriage. Hell, I never thought she'd do the things she did, either - as she has always showed disgust at adultery. Always. I guess that's one of the things I'll chalk up to something I don't need to know. Coming to the realization that she was on her own path just about destroyed me. We were supposed to grow old together, you know?

Will I ever believe another person who walks into my life? Don't know. You won't either until you try

I'm not so sure I ever will. And probably never to the extent that I did her. I trusted her with my life. While you are right, it is up to me, I'm in a place where I just don't know. She was able to keep things under wraps for so long and "hid" them so well, that I just never knew a hint of any trouble. So, to that end, I'm just not sure.

The OM's ex wife and I had coffee a bit ago (we have become semi friends and are friends on FB - something which the ex hates) and had a conversation along the same lines as this - trust. She shared with me that its like they destroyed the best part of us, and in reality, they did. I no longer am the person I once was - the person who would give the benefit of the doubt and trust until it was broken. I'm much more guarded and have built walls that may never come down. Ugh.