Cherry. Getting on with a few bumps

[Cherry]

Old thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2725055&page=11

So I'm still here, I think you all know my story.
Generally I'm just trying to get on. I don't have much contact with wh, he has a morning in the week he generally sees a for a couple hours. During which he usually grunts a hello at me, and that is that.

Some days I feel like I'm going to be okay, and have accepted my m is over. Other days, like today things just seem a little harder. It's not helped by the fact I'm heavily pregnant, having a number of health conditions (mainly stress induced or overdoing things) , and labour could realistically be any day. The memories when at the hospital flood back of when we were happy and had S. And seeing happy couples, excited at the soon to be arrivals, and being sat there on my own like some knocked up teen can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes. He has told me he probably won't be at the birth, I told him I have a plan if he isn't going to be there. I also told him that if he isn't capable of supporting me- I don't want him there. He came out with the usual spew before he left of how he would support me in the pregnancy and he didn't (I didn't hold much expectations on that).

He is still clearly in this fog, with no idea of how his actions affect others- he still has a "woe is me" attitude. The thing I struggle with the most is s, he wakes in the night and sits by the spare room wh slept in, and calls out for him. He frequently acts out when he's been asking for wh. And as a mother, I can't help but take the guilt, my m didn't work and now S is suffering because of this.

I know a lot of how I feel will be raging hormones, severe sleep deprivation, the fact I'm single handily parenting and working still to provide for us. Oh, and then there's the general aches and pains that come along with late pregnancy.

I feel a lot of confusion between hating the person he is, and missing and still loving the one he was.