However one thing that I have him on is that I AM NOT MORALLY BANKRUPT!!! He is a morally bankrupt predator. None of this really makes me feel better, and I do find myself comparing to him occasionally and get pretty upset. But I just wanted to offer a different perspective.
IMHO, the moral bankruptcy cancels out any attractive physical attributes and/or materialistic/financial weight the OM may hold.
What concerns me is how the WW can lie to herself and refuse to see him for what the truth really says about him. She wants to hold on to her fantasy, and she will change her own code of morality to fit whatever she has to, in becoming the OM's love interest.
I think the betrayed spouse would have to possess a very healthy self-esteem, in order to not initially compare themselves to the OP. What does the OP have that the betrayed spouse lacks? Logic dictates that the WS would not leave their M to accept another person who has much less to offer........right? The other person must have youth, sex appeal, or something that entices the wayward spouse away from their marriage and family. To just throw away their M, maybe their job, old friends, church ties, etc........makes no sense, so the betrayed spouse is baffled at what drew the wayward spouse. The key word is "wayward"......or midlife "crisis".
The WW or MLC rationale meter is not operating properly, and blinders are preferred over truth and clarity. IMHO, their dysfunctional mindset is what separates them from the walk away spouse. The WAS has a sorrowful, and usually, a legitimate reason for walking away from the LBS. It is often a matter of survival for the WAS, who is faced with serious, unresolved issues. They can see no hope for the continuation of the MR. Their "LBS" is the source of the destruction of their M. A few highlight examples: refusal to provide, protect, or help support the spouse and children; exposing and endangering the spouse & children with violence, illegal activity, abuse, alcoholism, drugs, pornography, etc.; mental illness; unfaithfulness; abandonment; imprisonment; immorality). Even if there are none of these examples, and the WAS has given up hope for a fulfilled MR and decides to move on and live away and without their LBS........you do not see a major change in their character. You do not see the rage toward the LBS (unless warranted); the insanity in their behavior; selfishness; sudden interest in sleeping around, acting like GGW; major changes in their appearances (maybe eventually, but not overnight); and you do not see the WAS trying to manipulate the LBS. The WAS leaves an environment that is unhealthy and/or very sad & lonely. For some WAS, they would consider working together with the LBS to save the M (depending on the crime of the LBS, so to speak).
A lot more could be said about these three groups, IMHO. The main point I want to make is to look at their behavior, motivation, and character. If the LBS sees someone insane person in their S's body that they don't recognize.........I would bet they are not a WAS. I am not as familiar with the mid-life crisis, b/c I have been more focused on learning about the wayward spouse.......so I don't say much on what to do, or don't do with a MLC spouse (since it is often tied to deeper unresolved issues). I really believe the wayward and walk-away are truly different species. It concerns me how many marriages appear to have wives who are wayward. I have my own thoughts as to why we are seeing so many......but I will spare you......this time.
Wow very interesting Sandi I never looked at it like that before,but now reading what u wrote answers a lot of questions in my sitch,don't spare us I would really like to know your thoughts cos I know they will be right,I'm also starting to think the way wards and mlc'is kinda not there fault ,there not to blame for there actions,I know its wrong what they do on there way,I guess I'm lucky I've never been wayward or mlc,but I'm starting to wonder if i had got it ,would I have done the things they do,also its hard to believe how they are all alike with lots of the same symptoms in tottaly different people in different walks of life different jobs and so on,its like some kind of underground illness,that scars all involved,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
