Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Gordie]

KentS: start to build a life that does not include her. Once the separation happens, you need to be able to fully integrate into a new life…Eventually, you will take control of your life away from her. She needs to see you moving to independence to understand that she is losing you. Then she can decide if she cares enough to do something about it.

Zues126: “What would I do if I knew 100% that my M was never going to be saved?” If you take away the desire to show WAS your changes, to try to steer her back to the M, or to try to do whatever you can to save the M…what’s left? …It may seem strange because you want to save your M, not give up on it, but giving up on it and moving forward on your own is the best thing you can do for you regardless of how she responds…

Thank you guys, that’s a lot to contemplate. And the sad truth is…I haven’t really thought that much about it…need to think more about it, but here’s a start:

*Stop doing so much for my W (I never say no to her requests, even now); stop letting W’s actions/moods dictate my actions/moods (DETACHMENT); stop pouring so much of my emotional energy into my marital R (which doesn’t leave any emotional energy for anything else, LETTING GO)

*Continue being an active and engaged Dad on a day-to-day basis; continue my professional development/success (and take more risks); continue my focus on health/fitness (in the best shape of my life)

*Physically separate; rent an apartment; set it up in a way that would be warm and comfortable for me and the kids; start saving like crazy so I can buy my own place sooner than later. Re-engage in my artistic/creative endeavors that have largely been ignored post-M and kids. Contrary to my savings goal, I’d love to travel more, go to places that I've always wanted to see...