The second thing is to stop checking up on your wife. It will destroy your spirit. You need to be strong for yourself and your children. Stop focusing on what your W is doing and be present for your children (sounds like you are and such a wonderful father to them) and work on things that improve you or bring you joy (I know that's hard to see right now).
Alaska, this is some great advice. Unfortunately, your wife is on her own path and it doesn't include you. Focusing on her and what she is doing is one sure way to drive her even further away. I've been there. It also brings you nothing but pain. Your children are going to need you to be the absolute rock for them. I know you've read many things on here that say the same thing - its said for a reason. Granted, its much much easier said than done, but the simple fact is now this time is all about you and getting yourself to a place where life is without her. Whether she comes back or not, you need to get there. A much stronger, self-supportive you is much more attractive than one who is not. Not saying that will bring her back, only she knows what will. But you need to adopt the mindset as if she doesn't exist. Take changing yourself, for example - if you do it in hopes of regaining her affection, then that is the wrong reason and will lead to nothing but resentment. This time is about you and your children. Use it wisely.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
