I'm so sorry for your suffering. I'm also new, but the best advice I've used so far is to do whatever you can to calm the storm within. The first thing I totally agree with 2016sux - get in touch with your spiritual side and pray, talk to God. You will find comfort for sure.
The second thing is to stop checking up on your wife. It will destroy your spirit. You need to be strong for yourself and your children. Stop focusing on what your W is doing and be present for your children (sounds like you are and such a wonderful father to them) and work on things that improve you or bring you joy (I know that's hard to see right now).
I know you feel trapped, stuck, panicked and helpless. But if you try to pause, slow the spinning in your head and pray you will start to feel steadier if not calmer. Then you can figure out the next step and best approach for your situation. If you're cheery and you observe that is what elicits the same in your wife, continue to do that. But I think you have to be calm with a clear head first to figure out and observe the results of your approach. It's day to day, hour to hour work. As 2016sux says, one day at a time.
