Well yesterday was a major disaster. I wasn't well at work, started developing a fever, and was dreading hauling myself home. And then thought to myself - why should I have to get on a bus and drag this weary body home when my husband is so busy taking care of his OW? So I decided to call him and asked him for a ride home.
He complied, but was v strained and wouldn't look at me or speak to me really, unless I asked him a direct question. Once we got to the house, he busied himself by making me a hot drink and something to eat, while I crawled into bed. Then he went to get our son from nursery - it was his night to do it anyway.
When he came back I saw he had bought me some meds and a cough sweet he knows I like. It affected me.
I fell asleep and then woke up in a blind panic, one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a long time. I couldn't stop thinking - if I get sick, who's going to look after me? I couldnt' stop thinking about him, about how much I wanted him to get into bed and cuddle me, the way he would have years ago when he cared. So I shouted out for him. He came to the room and sat perched at the edge of the bed as far away from me as possible. And then I fell apart. I did everything you're not supposed to do. I reasoned, I stopped just short of begging, I cried...
