I think there's a fine line we need to balance between boundaries, self growth, but also showing a caring, loving and kind attitude towards them - if they are receptive but without feeding too much that would lead to cake eating.
Yes, I'm having a hard time finding that fine line...
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Yes I am working on finding that fine line. W called me again today to ask me a question and she as of lately been talking more on the phone about what is going on in her life. Still not asking me about my life but she seems to be livelier on the phone in the past couple of weeks. My issue is if she doesn't call me in over a week I am not sure is I should call her but that has yet to happen this year. She likes to be persuade but at the same time this is a different sitch then before. Just working on finding that fine line.
Love is a decision. Genuine love is honor put into action, regardless of the cost.
Me:43 W:41 M:21 SS:25 S:19 D:18 BD1:3/16 BD2:10/16 W moves out 10/2/16
This is not a time to persuade or pursued... she made the decision to leave as hard as it is. Also invites or contacts on your part may be seen by her as having ulterior motives - I was surprised by how my W interpreted a few of my "reach-outs" to her.
Now here's a next challenge - the next time she calls, be "unavailable" that's a tough one, to not answer.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Maybe I missed it, but did you ever read DB or DR? I see where you talked about the PIES from Beam but I don't see a list of goals anywhere as per DB. That's why you're in a holding pattern.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I did read DR and have a list of goals. Over that past couple of weeks I have made the smaller and changed them a bit because of what I read from Sandi2.
1. For her to call me more. - Which she has done but that probably is more do to the financial sitch.
2. For her to open up more on the phone about herself and ask more questions about what is going on in my life. - That there I have also noticed more on her opening up more on the phone because I am doing a lot of validating and empathizing with her. She still has not asked much about what is going on in my life.
3. For her to forgive me. - That I am waiting on timing. As I have mentioned before I have already extended the olive branch.
4. For her to want to spend time with me. - Again that is timing and until she loose interest in finding POM2 then she will not want to do that plus with a closed spirit she has to get to a point that she does not feel anger when she looks at me.
5. For her to respect and trust me. - Again time takes time so does proof that I am changed. I am on the right track for this but how long this will take is up to her.
6. For me to detach and give a impression that I have moved on. - I have detached and am giving an impression that I have my own life and only have a few minor things left to work on.
7. For me to continue learning and GAL so no mater what happens I will be prepared for the future. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.
If anyone has some suggestions or feed back on these goals please let me know. PLEASE!!!
Love is a decision. Genuine love is honor put into action, regardless of the cost.
Me:43 W:41 M:21 SS:25 S:19 D:18 BD1:3/16 BD2:10/16 W moves out 10/2/16
I did read DR and have a list of goals. Over that past couple of weeks I have made the smaller and changed them a bit because of what I read from Sandi2.
1. For her to call me more. - Which she has done but that probably is more do to the financial sitch.
2. For her to open up more on the phone about herself and ask more questions about what is going on in my life. - That there I have also noticed more on her opening up more on the phone because I am doing a lot of validating and empathizing with her. She still has not asked much about what is going on in my life.
3. For her to forgive me. - That I am waiting on timing. As I have mentioned before I have already extended the olive branch.
4. For her to want to spend time with me. - Again that is timing and until she loose interest in finding POM2 then she will not want to do that plus with a closed spirit she has to get to a point that she does not feel anger when she looks at me.
5. For her to respect and trust me. - Again time takes time so does proof that I am changed. I am on the right track for this but how long this will take is up to her.
6. For me to detach and give a impression that I have moved on. - I have detached and am giving an impression that I have my own life and only have a few minor things left to work on.
7. For me to continue learning and GAL so no mater what happens I will be prepared for the future. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.
If anyone has some suggestions or feed back on these goals please let me know. PLEASE!!!
You will probably get a lot of 2x4's for this list, but that is OK. Everything on this list (except maybe the last 2) are wishes, they are not goals. I had a lot a trouble with this as well when I wrote out my goals. Keep working at it and try and define each goal as it pertains to YOU. Almost all of your goals start out with "for her to". Do you see the difference?
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
Thanks Matrix, I do not mind the 2x4's. I just want to get it right. I will continue to work on them and reread that chapter in the DR. Any other input will help. Thanks
Love is a decision. Genuine love is honor put into action, regardless of the cost.
Me:43 W:41 M:21 SS:25 S:19 D:18 BD1:3/16 BD2:10/16 W moves out 10/2/16
I like what Matrix said. In addition, goal number 6 says, "For me to detach and give an impression that I have moved on." My advice, for whatever it's worth, is that you shouldn't try to give the impression that you've moved on, you should truly move on. That doesn't mean that you should go out and get a girlfriend; it means that you continue moving forward with your life as if you're ready to leave her behind.
