Quick rundown of my situation: - M11, T13 w/ a D9 - BD on 5/31/16 - Find out about EA with OM on 6/22/16. Had been ongoing since 5/13/16 - Confront W on 6/30/16 about her plans to visit OM over 4th of July weekend - W goes anyway on 7/3/16 for PA and I leave MBR that night - W comes back and we have talk on 7/7 about Ls - W retains L early August - I have met with 2 Ls so far and another in 2 days - "Family" beach trip for a week Aug 6, multiple MR talks - W leaves for an anniversary party for friends. Turns out it's for another PA with OM at the same lake - confront W on it and she lies, lies, lies. I move back into Mbr - W begins doing and saying odd things after blowup. Mentions possibility of cancer and writes a long letter blaming me for all our issues - W and I sit down and chat custody of D. A lot of spew and W wants to push ahead with Ls - 2 days later W offers to go to see MC, retracts offer, then re-offers. At the same time, W begins a campaign to get me to leave the house, leveraging my R w/ my D to drive it - I've retained an L and am willing to do MC with W, but am not expecting much to come from it - W uses MC session to re-iterate she does not want to reconcile. W pushes me to continue MC, but I refuse. I tell her we need a co-parenting counselor, not a MC. - W begins in earnest to get financial details for her S agreement from me. I provide, but reiterate that I do not believe divorce is the answer to our problems. - My Ls begin work on a S agreement, not bc I want to S but bc I want to have my view on paper when W provides me her agreement. - I find a co-parenting counselor through my L, and I visit individually with her. W delays setting up her individual appointment. - W initiates a couple R conversations in which I reiterate that divorce is not the answer to our problems and I am unwilling to accept anything less than 50/50 custody of my D. I'm willing to take full custody, but I'll work with her around 50/50 if that's what she wants. - Ws Ls deliver S agreement to my Ls. One day later W has a confrontational conversation with me in which she asks me to cancel the co-parenting session and re-initiate MC. - No MC yet. Still debating finding a different MC and whether W would be constructive in it at this point or if she's merely looking for validation of her decisioning. - Living in limbo right now. D9 in a better place than at the start of this thing. Trying to figure out what I want.
I've made substantial progress in moving away from allowing W to control my emotions and actions. I see her actions for what they are, but continue to deal with her anxiety and anger issues. Picking my battles, but not allowing her to run me over anymore.
For me though, with the help of a multitude of folks on here, I'm being extremely successful at fortifying my relationship with D9 to be stronger. I'm also making strides at re-tooling myself to be more like the man I was pre M. Standing up for myself and D in the face of some controlling behavior from W and refusing to be a doormat.
Working on GAL and some 180s but all for the sake of D and me. W can hop off her crazy train and join us, but she has a ton of work to do on herself before I would allow her back in. I'm unwilling to accept things as they were in the past anymore. The only path forward for W and I involves a lot of work and I'm not convinced she'll ever come to that realization. She needs to address her anxiety issues just as I've addressed my short-comings in the M.
In an awesome place with my D9. She is my peace and I find so much excitement watching her grow and blossom into an amazing person. I'm finding joy in being a father that I'd never tapped into before and I'm loving every minute of it!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
