"I was also willing to work on our relationship and work on making changes. My ex was not."
JujuB - this is a really good point. I am beginning to realise I want to be with someone who doesn't give up when it gets tough. Sometimes when I am feeling more lucid, I know in my heart he's done me a favour by walking away now. If I am in a positive frame of mind, I realise that it's better to be alone than with someone like this, who was capable of lying and acting and compartmentalising to the extent that the persona he was projecting bore no resemblance to who he was inside. And then I feel happy that OW has landed him because as you've pointed out previously, he ain't no prize. I read somewhere else that WHs are prizes for the losers.
"...although I admittedly want husband to want to reconcile if that makes any sense."
I totally understand this. I realise there is conflict in my wanting him back - I want him back but not as damaged as he is now. I realised I just want him back first and then I want to be able to decide what to do with him. I guess, quite bluntly, I still want control of the situation. I want control of my life.
