Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Gordie]

***Bottom line, you simply can't continue to take her statements as literal, logical, or progressive. You're dealing with the equivalent of an addict. She will use your love for her as a way to manipulate you, string you along, get you to believe what she wants you to. Yes, she is capable of this, because she is an addict.***

Thank you for these truth darts. Of course, I truly want in my heart to believe my situation is different (she freely admitted to me that she loved POM (no snooping on my part) but hadn't acted on it and doesn't want to act on it until we are separated or divorced (which sandi2 even says is the right thing to do)...says she still loves me, yet also loves the POM at the same time...I know, just words, but she never gave me the ILYBNILWY), but I know in my head you are probably right...

***I went through it. I have email chains I've reread watching XW spin her tales of how she just wanted FREEDOM, and to be able to BE HERSELF, and the last thing she wanted was another R! I won't even tell you what I went through because it doesn't matter. But if you read my last post on qt's thread you'll see it was a good thing, because it allowed me to truly understand what I was dealing with.***

This is so painful. I have learned a lot from your old threads...

***This doesn't mean for sure your WAW is going to pursue OM. That's not my point. My point is that you need to reread your last few posts and look at all of the times you try to draw conclusions or logical building blocks of where you thing things stand in an effort to draw conclusions based on words she has spoken to you. She almost has you convinced that she really loves you and wants to be married, she finds it tragic she cannot be, she wishes she could spend the rest of her life with you, but just not right now, she needs space and time to reflect...***

Yes, yes, yes, you are a mind reader! I try to be logical...thank you for the reminder that logic does not apply...

***it all sounds good, only that little part about separating and divorcing and seeing other people, but she didn't sound like she really wanted it, she's just confused, she still loves me, I'll be a good boy and maybe she'll see how crazy this is and snap out of it...meanwhile she's living a double (or triple or quadruple) life and hiding so much you wouldn't even recognize her if you truly knew what was going through her head. She's created another entire reality with OM, and right now she's invested much, much more in that one.***

Wow, that's a lot of 2x4s in one paragraph...thanks? Yes, thanks.

***OK, I've said it every way I can say it. Denial's difficult to overcome. Detachment is hard. I know you're doing your best to open your eyes. Maybe a certain amount of time and pain has to ensue before this is fully possible. Hang in G.***

Denial? Yes. Maybe legally separating and moving out will be good for me? Zues126--thank you...