Wife has filed for divorce

[ngs]

I understand why she feels like the D is what she needs but in the end it doesn't solve anything. All she's doing is running away and that resentment for you is going to turn to anger and hatred. What are some ways you can be a safe place for her?

Yes this is what I have thought about too and talked about with my counselor, that if we still don't work through some of our issues even if we divorce, for herself she will still be holding on to the anger and resentment she has towards me. And wonder how we will still be able to raise our kids together but separately if she continues to feel this way.

W has been saying for 7 months now that she intends to go back for IC but has yet to do that. W has agreed to go to a family counselor to help us work together for the kids because it was a FOC recommendation so I told her I was going to work with my Ins. to make an appt. and she said there was no need to start that yet.

As far as being a safe place for her, I struggle with because she wants nothing to do with me and hates being around me. One thing I have been doing though and will continue to do is make her feel at ease speaking her mind around me, because I don't get angry or defensive anymore. And I feel that her telling me all these things that she has bottled up over all these years maybe helping her a little bit that she's able to express them.

Going through the divorce process if I acted like I had in the past I would be angry, mopey, retreat, ect. around the house which is what I'm sure she was expecting. But I'm not at all, she knows I don't want the divorce but I'm treating it like its just something we have to get through and I'm not doing anything to make her feel guilty about it.

Also I don't stress and get angry about finances anymore, I always used to be stressed trying to figure how we were going to pay bills, ect. on just my income because money was always tight, still is I just deal with it proactively now rather than worry and stress. So there is now very little tension regarding finances.

I don't know if that is what you had in mind about being a safe place for her, but it is what I can do with where we are at to make her feel she can be in this home around me and not have to worry about me being angry about anything despite the situation.

I have a counseling appt. this week so being a safe place for my W is something I'll be able to talk through then also.

Have you gotten the books yet?

I have had DR for 8 months and have read and been using it. I don't have DB should I get that even though I have DR?