Gordie: Pulling it all together

[Zues126]

***You really need to let her be alone with her drama. If it is OM she wants, you can't prevent it. She needs to experience him in her face all the time before the dream can crash.***

Yes, but the latest is she feels she isn't ready for a new romantic R. I thought after we separated that the new R with POM would be pursued but now I'm not sure.

I didn't respond the other day when you posted your WAW said this bit about the OM, but this is the 2nd time you've mentioned it so here I go:

Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.

An affair is like a drug. Have you ever heard someone say they want to quit using? Or quit drinking? Or quit smoking? At the time those words are uttered they are true, but that is all they are - WORDS. In fact, there is the idea of 'medicating with positive intent', meaning that someone feels bad, so they talk about how bad they feel and how they are going to do something about it, and then this self talk encourages them and they stop feeling so bad, so then they decide to do nothing after all.

Bottom line, you simply can't continue to take her statements as literal, logical, or progressive. You're dealing with the equivalent of an addict. She will use your love for her as a way to manipulate you, string you along, get you to believe what she wants you to. Yes, she is capable of this, because she is an addict.

I went through it. I have email chains I've reread watching XW spin her tales of how she just wanted FREEDOM, and to be able to BE HERSELF, and the last thing she wanted was another R! I won't even tell you what I went through because it doesn't matter. But if you read my last post on qt's thread you'll see it was a good thing, because it allowed me to truly understand what I was dealing with.

This doesn't mean for sure your WAW is going to pursue OM. That's not my point. My point is that you need to reread your last few posts and look at all of the times you try to draw conclusions or logical building blocks of where you thing things stand in an effort to draw conclusions based on words she has spoken to you. She almost has you convinced that she really loves you and wants to be married, she finds it tragic she cannot be, she wishes she could spend the rest of her life with you, but just not right now, she needs space and time to reflect...it all sounds good, only that little part about separating and divorcing and seeing other people, but she didn't sound like she really wanted it, she's just confused, she still loves me, I'll be a good boy and maybe she'll see how crazy this is and snap out of it...meanwhile she's living a double (or triple or quadruple) life and hiding so much you wouldn't even recognize her if you truly knew what was going through her head. She's created another entire reality with OM, and right now she's invested much, much more in that one.

OK, I've said it every way I can say it. Denial's difficult to overcome. Detachment is hard. I know you're doing your best to open your eyes. Maybe a certain amount of time and pain has to ensue before this is fully possible. Hang in G.